I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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