Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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