I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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