I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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