New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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