the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
