Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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