she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
