we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
