So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
