Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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