His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
