That's when you crack a 10am beer
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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