If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
