i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
