I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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