omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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