ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
