Umm I'm too high to move.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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