True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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