she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
How naked do you want me to be?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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