how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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