no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
