I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
