We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
