She's JV to your varsity
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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