You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
