I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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