and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
