Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
