I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
