I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
