so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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