take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
