how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
