I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
