Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
