I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
