I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
