In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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