I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
