On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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