There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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