You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
