Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
