Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
