He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
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