i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
