Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
please come you make the beer taste better
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
