Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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