is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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