Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
