dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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